THE RIGHT OF KIND OF EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

 

Nearly all the research on robust aging has found an interesting distinction between emotional Support and direct assistance and the best way to illustrate that distinction is to remind you of when you learned to ride a bike

Most of us can remember the exact moment when we were able to remove those training wheels and feel the exhilaration of being able to balance on the two-wheeler I know I do. It was a Sunday night in front of our apartment in Jackson Heights. Queens, New York I was about eight years old and my father took off the training wheels and began to run alongside the bike, helping to balance it from behind as pedaled with some uncertainty and wobbliness, slowly picking up speed, until he was finally able to let go as I shrieked, "I can do it!"

That moment of autonomy, which most of us have experienced, at least those of us who learned to ride a two-wheeler, is significant. And it has a lot to teach us about aging well. My father provided emotional support, but he also knew when to let go and let me do it myself. In research on aging, it's been shown time and again that emotional support  fosters autonomy and well-being, but the kind of direct assistance (helping someone with a task or doing it for him) is associated with the exact opposite

People feel best when they're self- sufficient and making a contribution to others, when they're participating in life, and we don't, really need a scientific study to prove that (although we have plenty of them). Nothing extends life and well-being like the feeling of competence, and nothing destroys it like a lack of autonomy. Support is one thing is dependence is another.

"We know four important things about the connection between social relations and health, and all apply to older people. First, isolation, a lack of social ties however measured, is a powerful risk factor for poor health. Second, social support in its many forms-emotional, actual physical assistance and so on has direct positive effects on health. Equally important, but less widely known, social support can buffer or reduce some of the health-related effects of aging. Finally, and perhaps most important, no single type of support is uniformly effective for all people and all situations."

In fact, for people who have few relationships or relationships with others are weak, the risk of death is between two and four times greater than it is for those have strong social bonds. This is regardless of age, race socioeconomic status, physical health, smoking, alcohol use, physical activity, or even obesity. "The bottom line is we do not outgrow our need for others," Rowe says. "The life-giving effect of close social relationships holds throughout the life course.

The protective effects of social relationships aren't just limited to the brain. In a classic 1979 study of the residents of Alameda County, California, researchers found that people who lacked social and community ties were far more likely to die during a nine-year follow-up period than those who had more extensive and meaningful contact with others, regardless of any other health practices, including smoking.

 A WORD FROM THE WISE

At this point, we've come full circle We've discussed the goal of longevity that is to square the curve, making old age so healthy and robust that it no longer seems like anything we need to dread and doesn't even look like anything our parents would recognize as old age. Not only that, but the goal is to keep it that way right up to the very end. We've discussed the major systems of the body, how they (typically) break down, and how they can be protected, even enhanced! And finally, in this section, we've discussed the personal and social aspects of living well and long: emotional intelligence, social connectedness, and the inevitable wisdom and peace that come with both.

And here’s a little secret: It’s all pretty simple.

‘’Eat your vegetables, have a positive outlook, be kind to people and smile’’

As a simple prescription for a long life, and as a bonus, for wisdom, it doesn’t get much better than that.